Building Connection Through Declarative Language: Scripts for Home and School

A Guide to Encouraging Calm, Connection, and Cooperation

What is declarative language?

Declarative Language:

This type of language conveys information or statements that describe a situation or express

feelings. It is generally non-commanding and invites understanding or discussion.

Imperative Language:

This language issues commands or requests, instructing someone to do something. It typically starts

with a verb and is more directive.

Examples

Declarative

  • "We are going to learn about

    addition today."

  • "It is important to listen when

    others are speaking."

  • "I see everyone is excited about

    recess."

  • "We need to clean up our classroom

    before lunch."

  • "This project will be shared with the

    class next week."

Imperative

  • "Open your math books to page 10."

  • "Be quiet and listen to your

    classmates."

  • "Line up for recess now."

  • "Pick up your toys and put them

    away."

  • "Prepare your presentations for

    Monday."


What We Cover In this Guide?

In a world where communication often feels rushed and demanding, this book offers a gentle, transformative approach through declarative language. By shifting away from commands and toward connection, parents and educators can foster understanding, trust, and collaboration with children especially those who experience heightened anxiety or resistance, such as individuals with a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile.

Declarative language invites participation without pressure, creating safer spaces where children feel heard, valued, and empowered. Whether at home or in school, this approach nurtures emotional connections, supports self-regulation, and builds a foundation for positive relationships and shared success.

Examples of declarative language scripts that could be used

in the school setting

Classrooms can be challenging environments, with issues like dysregulation, transitions, disruptive behaviours, and peer conflicts affecting learning and harmony. By using declarative language, one can guide students through transitions, address defiance with empathy, and foster positive interactions on the playground.

Disruptive Behaviour

Teacher:

"Today, we need to focus on our lesson. When someone talks while I am teaching, it makes it hard for

others to hear. Let’s remember to use our quiet voices during instruction. Everyone can share their

thoughts when it’s time for discussion. I appreciate your cooperation."

Challenges with Dysregulation in the Classroom

Teacher:

"I see that some friends are feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. It’s okay to take a break. We can use

our calm corner to relax and breathe. Remember, it’s important to express our feelings. You can come

back when you feel ready. Taking a moment helps us all focus better."

Transitions to New Activities

Teacher:

"In five minutes (a visual timer might need to be used), we will transition to our next activity. Please

begin to clean up your workspace. Keeping our classroom tidy is important. When you finish, gather at

the carpet. I will explain our next project. I appreciate everyone’s effort in getting ready!"

Defiant Behaviours

Teacher:

"I notice that some friends are choosing not to follow directions. It’s important to listen to the class

rules so we can learn together. If you are feeling upset, it’s okay to talk to me. I want to help you

understand what we are doing. Let’s work together to make sure everyone can participate.

Script for Addressing Difficulties in Relationships on the Playground

Teacher:

"I see that some friends are having a tough time on the playground. It’s important to remember that

everyone deserves to have fun and feel safe. When we play together, we need to share and take

turns. If someone feels left out, we can find a way to include them.”

“If there is a disagreement, it’s helpful to use our words to express how we feel. Let’s practice asking

questions like, ‘Can we play together?’ or ‘I didn’t like that. Can we try again?’

“Everyone in our class is important, and it’s our job to be kind to one another. I encourage you to talk

to each other and find solutions. If you need help, you can always come to me or a trusted adult.”

“Remember, we can make recess a positive experience for everyone. Let’s support each other and

have fun together!"

Difficulties with Transitions

Teacher:

"I notice that changing activities can feel overwhelming. It’s normal to need a little extra time to

adjust. Let’s take a moment to breathe and talk about what’s happening next. We can all help each

other during this transition."

Challenges with Relationships on the Playground

Teacher:

"It’s important for everyone to feel included when we play. If you notice a friend sitting alone, you can

invite them to join you. Building friendships takes practice, and it’s okay to ask for help if you’re unsure

how. Let’s support each other on the playground."

Dysregulation

Teacher:

"I can see that some of you might be feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. It’s okay to feel that way;

everyone has tough moments. Take a deep breath with me. If you need a break, feel free to visit our

calm corner. It’s a safe space to help you feel better."

Using Declarative Language at Home..

Home life can present daily challenges, from navigating bedtime routines and chores to managing homework frustrations and emotional moments. By using declarative language, parents can create a calm, collaborative environment that reduces pressure and encourages children to feel heard and capable. This approach fosters trust, autonomy, and connection, making family life smoother and more supportive—especially for children with PDA profiles.

Examples of declarative language that can be used at home..

Household Chores

"I've noticed the laundry is piling up. I wonder what would be the easiest way for us to tackle that together."

Bedtime Routines

"It's almost time for bed. I'm curious what your thoughts are on how we can make the bedtime routine

smooth for both of us."

Cleaning and organising a shared space

"The kitchen looks like it needs a good cleaning. I'm happy to work on that with you - what do you think would

be the best way to approach it?"

Homework Frustration

"I see you're feeling frustrated with your homework. I'm here if you'd like to talk through it together."

Challenges During Mealtime

"Mealtimes can be tricky. I'm interested in hearing your ideas on how we can make this easier for you."

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